January 2009 - Posts
…of turning 33…I had to actually do the math to figure out how old I’ll be tomorrow. Not sure whether to blame that on lack of sleep, Mommy brain or Momnesia, or just getting old.
My other list of complaints including:
dry, cracked hands
split cuticles
dry lips
dry mouth
dry eyes
lovely gray hair that is beginning to overtake the brown ones!!
just under 30lbs of remaining baby weight
fatigue
and never enough hours in a day
On my list of things to be thankful for:
a wonderful, loving husband who is right now in the kitchen cooking dinner for 9
two energetic and lovable sons that make every moment enjoyable
my health (better back, overall good health, etc.)
my extended family who are always there for me
my wonderful friends who not only remember my birthday, but check in just because
my freedom (as one of our family friends sits in Afghanistan representing the US)
the financial stability such that I can stay home full-time with our two sons
There’s many more things I’m thankful for, but I think you get the picture. The slight inconveniences of life (and life with Sjogren’s) are far outweighed by the joys of life.
I received the good new last night at my chiropractor appointment that I’m well enough to start jogging…YEAH. That will help with at least one of the things on my complain lists. I also don’t need to go back for at least 2 weeks. Here’s hoping my 33rd year just keeps getting better. I’ll be buying the hair color once I’m done nursing…
So I got into a conversation the other day with a Mom friend at a class we attend about how our littlest ones seem to do the majority of their nursing at night. So, how do I sleep?
Last night, like a typical night in our house these days, after dinner (I made the baby fresh applesauce for dinner and my oldest had some pasta with cheese and an apple…his choice) I brought the boys upstairs for their jammies. I then nursed the youngest, placed him very contently in his crib covered (and I mean covered) in blankets to the extent he probably couldn’t move (he’s taken the swaddle to the toddler level), then I cuddled in bed with my oldest reading train books.
After two long stories, we tucked him into bed and said our goodnights. The youngest down and asleep by 745pm, the oldest down and asleep by 815pm. A little later than usual, but not dramatically so. I then spent the next several hours keeping my husband company on the couch – I watching reality tv (because I need to feel better about myself) and knitting while he worked. When I was pretty tired, I rambled up the stairs with a large glass of water to take my 4 pills with (Plaquenil, two vitamins, and birth control), tucked in my babies (who had both covered their heads completely with blankets…don’t ask me how a 5 1/2 month old can SO perfectly do this with a blanket no larger than his head…), brushed my teeth (to ensure the Sjogren’s dry mouth doesn’t create more cavities!), and crawled into bed. I was in bed by 11pm. I couldn’t fall asleep until 12:30ish, and was awakened around 1:10am for the first midnight feeding.
I have no clue why someone so tired can’t fall asleep. I just can’t. Then the feedings start and al I want to do is sleep. The little guy was changed and brought to me in bed (I love my husband) where he spent the next 20 minutes or so nursing. When he settled down, like usual, I planned to give him about 5 minutes of deep sleep before moving him. I fall asleep…to awaken about 30 minutes later ready to move him only for him to awaken and want to eat again. So I oblige. Then move him to his crib. By now it’s about 230am. I fall back asleep. He wakes again around 5am. Is brought back in for another night cap. Nurses until 530, falls asleep, I ask my husband to move him back…he reawakens. Nurses again. Falls asleep (as do I) and we’re all awakened by the alarm at 648am (don’t ask). Being awake, why not nurse? Which he does until our oldest comes sauntering into the bedroom with a, “morn-nin” and climbs into bed demanding we put Roary the Race Car on. This part is not normal, he usually wants to go, “down-dares.”
After 10 minutes of the 4 of us in bed, the youngest is wide awake, as is the oldest, leaving my husband and I trying to crack our eyes open enough to not fall out of bed as we rise. By 745am we’re all downstairs.
Let’s recap, I sleep from:
12:30-1:10 (40 minutes)
1:50-2:30 (40 minutes)
2:40-5:00 (140 minutes)
5:50-6:48 (60 minutes)
Add in maybe 15 minutes of crappy sleep between then and 7:45 and we get a total of maybe 5 hours of sleep. Not horrid, but understand some of it is very light sleep as no one wants to “roll over” their infant in bed.
This is fairly typical. Given we don’t nap any more (aka, my oldest no longer naps, so I have no hope or prayer of doing so), I’m still amazed I can’t sleep earlier in the night. I go up at 10, I’m still awake until 12:30ish. Every once in a while, our youngest will make the entire 8pm to 5am without waking. It’s a blue moon, but it happens. But on those nights, our oldest is usually up sauntering down the hall to the bathroom.
So, how do you sleep? I can’t ignore the nightly cries from the crib, especially since I feel like he wants to eat. He’ll nurse once or twice in the morning before his nap, then two or three times before dinner, and then once afterwards before bed. I have to wonder if he’s getting enough (he does eat at dinner time…a lot). My oldest was a BIG child and at 3 months was over 19 lbs…at 6 months was over 22 lbs. We’ll be lucky if the youngest is over 19 lbs at his six month check up this Friday. He’s not tiny, but he’s not the big baby we were used to.
For someone who is naturally tired because of the Sjogren’s, add in energy exerted with two children each day, and interrupted sleep at night and I have to wonder if I’m going to crash big time somewhere along the way. I have to think my husband’s lucky he can sleep through most anything…and falls asleep very quickly. His contributions at night (maybe a total of 20 minutes) takes just that amount of time away from his sleep. Once he’s handed off our son, he’s fast asleep again. He even sleeps through his alarm so I’m the one at 648am poking his to death to shut the damn thing off. Which is great on mornings where I’m not already awake. Thanks, dear.
While it is cold enough where I am to literally freeze your tongue to a pole (see A Christmas Story), it’s definitely cold enough for mittens and gloves. Which I wear every time I leave the house…and also to bed.
I did make it through my best friends’ baby shower without any further damage to my hands (thanks to the gloves and LOTS of lotion). She then surprised us all by delivering nearly 3 weeks early, just days after the baby shower. Talk about timing!
My hands right now are just REALLY dry…makes me look about 8 years old. I’ve been sleeping with my gloves and lots of lotion at night and it does seem to help, except it’s difficult to work the remote, change diapers, and nurse with those gloves on. Then as soon as I’m up in the morning and the gloves are off, my hands are under water nearly all day. Between dishes, laundry, diapers, potty time, and other household duties, it’s nearly impossible to go more than 30 minutes without submerging my hands. Believe it or not, I’ve even held off going to the bathroom because I just put lotion on my hands. I usually wait and time it with a diaper change or trip to the potty for my older child.
I did have a follow-up visit with my rheumatologist the other week, and besides the dryness, we discussed a ganglion cyst that has developed on my left ankle. Turned up a few months ago and has gotten progressively larger as the days have passed. She didn’t think too much of it, but did send me to xrays to confirm it wasn’t anything other than a cyst (which it was). Her prescription – to go to a special store about an hour away to get fitted for shoes with better arch support. Arg. I love my clogs. I’m in slippers most of the day. What kind of ugly shoes are they going to have for me? Not to mention I’m a 12m, so the selection at that size isn’t all that great.
I did call the other day to confirm they actually carry my size before I make a trip there and find out that they can’t help me. She had also suggested arch supports for my shoes, so maybe they can start there and we can see how that helps. I guess between the two pregnancies and the extra baby weight I’m still carrying (but whittling down thanks to another bout with Weight Watchers and some willpower) my arches have started to let go. I know it’s only going to get worse, especially when I’m able to start running again…which is why I’d prefer the arch supports as I can tuck them into my sneakers. I’m VERY picky about sneakers as there’s just one brand (Nike) that I’ve found is the most comfortable/best fit for my long narrow feet.
Well, we’ll see how soon I can get to that store as my weekends are packed and it’s not something I’m going to try alone with two small children. That’s a recipe for either a snap (wrong) decision or a complete and utter meltdown on all of our parts.
I finally broke down. Bought a few pairs of latex gloves for the dish pan. I have never been a fan of gloves while washing dishes. Never. However, as I have splits on my fingers that haven’t healed and just keep re-splitting…and I needed to polish all of my sterling for a baby shower I’m co-hosting this coming weekend…I figured now was the time. Polishing silver isn’t the cleanest job in the world, but then washing everything afterwards I figured would probably just make my hands that much worse. I’m glad I made the investment, but really miss the feeling on the suds on my hands.
I saw my rheumatologist earlier this week for a 6 month follow-up visit (post pregnancy). Everything seems okay. I have developed what appears to be a ganglion cyst on my left ankle. She had me go for x-rays just to make sure, but that’s what it is. Seems that my feet are flattening out from the pregnancies and the extra baby weight (which I’m working on!) causing a cyst to form from between the joints in my foot. It doesn’t hurt, just looks like it doesn’t belong. Hopefully it will subside and my ankle won’t look so gnarly.
I did ask her about lung cysts as a “side effect” from having Sjogrens. One of my family friends (who’s a good 40 years my senior) has them and just went in for her second surgery. This time they were cancerous, stage 3. Frightening. From what my rheumatologist told me, they are known to be associated with Sjogren’s, but aren’t something that I would definitely get. The risk is about 20-25%, and hopefully by taking the Plaquenil my risks of everything will be lower. Fun is. I’m just praying for our friend that she gets through chemo and gets a clean”er” bill of health. Hard to know what to expect later on in life when I only know one other person with Sjogren’s.
In the meantime, I’m going to protect my dish pan hands and between the three boxes of bandaids and the tube of Neosporin, I can get my cracks to heal for the shower this weekend!
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